A Kind of Blues

The Blues is in the repetition and the playful exposition of the war of the sexes.






Sometimes I get this daydream I can’t ignore

I close my eyes and see a quiet morning and you with a gun in your hand

You shoot me and then shoot yourself.

There are circumstances under which I wouldn’t mind

For example,

If I had three lives I’d give one of them to you-- know all about the times we broke- down another shot-gun sound of our voices- sounding in the train yard off flipped off passenger ghosts - set the costs of loving you pretty clear and hollow

I close my eyes and see a quiet morning and you with a gun in your hand

You shoot me and then shoot yourself.

Under clean linen motel sheets and against your father’s explicit instructions I eat you out- side my house you shock me by arriving unannounced carrying folded, withdrawn, frightened arms, -your arms touched mine so many times when we were too awkward to admit that we touched on purpose-fully I pick up the phone and the glass is- clear that warning signs should have gone off when you said I was the only reason you didn’t kill yourself- centered humor bites like roadkill coming back to life- is so good, for two months I’ve been so happy to be alive- when I’m with you-

I close my eyes and see a quiet morning and you with a gun in your hand

You shoot me and then shoot yourself.

Under normal circumstances this is where I would describe pooling blood.

I’d describe it in exquisite detail and dwell on us gasping for breath

I’d secretly mix pleasure in with the gravity of the situation,

Really tell the story

I’m not doing that

Because for once I’m not playing games,

I close my eyes and see a quiet morning and you with a gun in your hand

You shoot me and then shoot yourself

Does the fact that this hasn’t happened make you innocent?

Who after all put these thoughts in my head?

Was it me or was it you?

Betrayal betrayal betrayal

Every angle you look at it from it’s nothing but one big fucking betrayal. 

(to be inserted wherever the hell you feel it) FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU HOW DARE YOU NO HOW DARE YOU